I Bought a Swimsuit!

So . . .

Today, the kids had swimming lessons, and afterwards, since my husband was in town, we took them swimming.  More like, he took them swimming, and I watched.  In the heat.  In jeans.  And a 3/4 sleeve shirt.  I thought I might pass out.  I started wondering if anyone would notice if I just slipped in the pool in my shirt and underwear.

So why wasn't I swimming with them?  You see, I'm one of those women.  I obsess about how I look, how fat I am.  I mean, often times, I look in the mirror, and whisper the word "blubber."  I can't enter the bathroom without pulling up my shirt and looking at my side profile, sucked in.  I pinch my fat, shake the fat on my sumo-wrestler-like arms, pull the fat on my face so that I can see how I'd look thinner.  How I used to look.

I have been aware of my weight for as long as I can remember.  Well, maybe not.  There are a few memories from early childhood where my weight never entered my mind.  I don't come from a "fat" family.  My parents are both thin, so are my siblings.  Yet, here I am.  Blubber.

I've lost weight before.  I always gain it back.  Before kids, I was a size 6.  Now, I have to squeeze in a size 16.  I am trying to come to terms with my size, because, apparently, it's me.  It's who I am.  And I don't like feeling bad about who I am.

So, I got a suit.  And I researched it first, you know I did!  My Google searches included:

"Bathing suit that looks best on fat arms"
"Bathing suit that is most slimming"

I wished they made a bathing suit that would camouflage cellulite!  Ha!  Hmmm . . .  maybe I should have bought a wetsuit.

Anyway, I saw how much fun the kids had in the pool with my husband today, and I want to be a part of it.  I want to give my daughter pointers on how to float on her back while actually showing her.  I want to be a part of the laughter and the splashing.  They don't care about my blubber.  And really, I doubt anybody else does, either.

So today, I found the

"bathing suit that looks best on a happy mom"